Shame Central

The devastating news of 19 year old EricJames Borges’ death in the United States this week once again throws the spotlight on gay suicide. Borges killed himself after constant bullying and an attempted exorcism by his fervently religious mother to eradicate his homosexuality.

It’s a deeply sad story, made all the more poignant by the video Borges created celebrating same-sex love. The link to this is below.

Borges found some comfort and support in the superb work by The Trevor Project which helps suicidal young gay people.

It’s the kind of community led initiative that we need so much more of in gay life. It’s about reaching out to vulnerable individuals and making them feel that they belong. It’s also about sharing and there’s not enough of this in the gay world.

Young gay people are faced with so many difficulties when they come out. The process does not stop with a declaration that they are gay, but is ongoing. The victimisation does not magically end and the search for a space where they feel they belong often seems endless. Some, like Borges simply do not make it.

It’s at this time that the gay community should step up to the mark and bring these young people into the fold. They need to feel welcomed, included and respected for who they are as individuals. Shamefully, there seems to be very little of this going on.

What seems to be more common is that young gays are seen as consumers ripe for exploitation by an avaricious gay market who have no empathy for people’s scarring experiences or fragility. They are plucked from the closet and coerced into conforming to a harsh gay aesthetic that advocates sex and cold, hard cash.

Where are the role models for gay men that represent even a smidgen of the creativity and sensitivity that Borges clearly possessed and yearned for in his video? It’s not these that a young gay man finds when he stumbles out of the closet, but a maze of rampant, selfish sex hunters and jaded porn “stars” stabbing each other in the back as they grab for the man with the biggest cock and, most importantly, biggest wallet.

Instead of help lines offering support to vulnerable gay youths, our magazines and “hook-up” sites are littered with endless adverts for sex toys that resemble instruments of torture rather than pleasure. Any hope of finding a relationship quickly diminishes amongst a barrage of demands for “XXL”, “Sleaze,” and that that most disillusioning phrase of all – “No Strings Attached.”

Just look at the news this week about New York’s new gay hotel – the gloriously named Out NYC. http://gawker.com/5874955/manhattans-new-gay-hotel-has-some-sexy-secrets-it-wants-everyone-to-know This rancid concrete block is just adding the finishing touches which promise a staff of 18 – 24 year old Latin men, two way mirrors and a Grindr-esqe meet and greet “ap.” Welcome to self-esteem central.

Any young gay man wanting to work here will be given the dubious job title of “lifestyle consultant.” Most odious of all, the finest rooms Presumably those with the stain resistant walls), will be given to the punters that the staff decide are the “hottest.” It’s possibly the finest, most nauseating example I have yet encountered of the gay “community’s” merciless attempts to force us to conform to a shallow, destructive aesthetic.

Is it any wonder we have so many gay men drugging themselves into oblivion as they strive to reach this unobtainable “ideal”? The real shame is that this is created by the very people who are supposed to be their gay “peers” – the corporate creatures who in brutally, irresponsibly coercing young gays into this “lifestyle” are just as reprehensible as our first persecutors – the straight school bullies.

Only time will tell what delights await the punters at the knocking shop that is the Out NYC. Perhaps antibiotics will be left on the pillows instead of chocolates. No doubt the room directory will contain a welcome message from some insatiable porn slut. There will certainly be an increase in sales of Crisco from the local pharmacy. I’d like to say condoms too, but as we know many of the gay business men who have appointed themselves “community” leaders are not always particularly hot on promoting safe sex.

The entire enterprise encapsulates all that is wrong with the gay scene. It symbolises everything that is wrecking the lives of the young people who come out and are manipulated by it and then spat out, or wheeled out the back of some club after overdosing on it. It’s the antithesis of what the next generation should be striving for and miles away from the beautiful, tender vision of gay interaction that Borges encapsulated in his video.

Borges’ video begins with the words: “There is importance in loving each other the way each of us deserves.” This applies as much to how gay people behave towards each other as it does to how heterosexuals treat us. Let’s honour Borges’ memory by giving all those young people fortunate enough to make it through the pain of growing up gay a community that is worth celebrating.