Prostitution, Pretence and the Glamorous Gays

Last year I wrote a review of the film Greek Peter which was an expose of the year in the life of a gay male escort. Like many reviewers I commented on how sad the film was. It focussed on an individual who was aspiring to become international “rent boy of the year.” The overriding impression of the film was that its subject had chosen a way of life that was doing his mental health irreparable damage.

I use the word “chosen” deliberately. The age old myth with prostitution is that individuals are forced in to it through no fault of their own. They come from disadvantaged backgrounds and it is often one of the few chances they have of surviving. For the drug addict on the street I would say that this can be the case.

But how many gay men actually have to sell their bodies in order to put food on the table? Very few I would say. The motivations for choosing this type of career seem to be far more complex for gay escorts. Yes, some do have limited options, but there are also those who follow this path because of deep seated issues of self esteem and good old fashioned laziness and greed.

Being bullied as a gay youth can cause great damage. When you feel alienated from your peers, unattractive and unworthy you crave some sort of enfranchisement. Bursting on to the exploitative gay scene some men do not know how to react when they hear the words they have longed to hear for such a long time – “you are attractive.” It can be like a drug and, as with all drugs, nothing is ever enough. It sends them into a spiral of addiction and becomes their only way of gaining a modicum of belonging.

Yet there are other issues here as well. A large section of the gay media glamorises male prostitution. These people, with their seemingly perfect (and often supremely photoshopped bodies) are seen as celebrities. If we are to believe the baloney we are force fed they attend endless parties and spend their days at the gym. What an easy life.

And the fringe benefits are simply wonderful – does not everyone yearn to be on the guest list for Fire and Area every Friday night? Of all the guest lists in London it is the hardest to get on and, given that the offerings inside are about as fulfilling as Danielle Lloyd’s “career”, we can only surmise it is worth it. We are almost led to believe that we are losing out if we do not choose this lifestyle. We are, heaven forbid, not reaching our full potential as “A- Gays.”

I have never had a problem with prostitution. It provides a service and, as I say, some people have few alternatives open to them at certain points in their lives. What I do have a problem with is delusion and lack of integrity. Selling your body to manipulative men who also often have severe issues with self esteem is not the way to build a satisfying life. It prohibits personal growth and the ability to construct meaningful relationships with people. In the long term this can only lead to a regime of diminishing returns. The consequences can be dire – a shallow existence based on lies, self justification and a personality that is not in synch with the real world.

Recently I met an individual several times who seemed to be fairly decent. He talked to me about his efforts to get a business off the ground that I was genuinely interested in. I admired his tenacity and drive and even introduced him to people who may be able to assist him. I introduced him to these people as potential clients. I then found out that he made his real living through escorting.

It was not the escorting that I had an issue with. It was the fact that this person had been deliberately deceitful about how he earned his money. At what point does it not occur to tell someone you are getting to know about that aspect of your life? Is it really so inconsequential that it does not need to be mentioned?

Don’t get me wrong. I have been round the block more times than Pat Butcher and consequently have a very liberal attitude to sex. What I will not tolerate, however, is evasion of the truth and a total lack of self respect for others. These qualities should never be compromised because they are the very things that make us civilised human beings.

What irked me more than anything, however, was this man’s defence of his life. I should point out that I did not ask him to defend it and that I merely enquired as to why he had not mentioned it and had gone as far to tell me that he did something else. Within minutes I was told that he did it because “the money was so good” and that he was “a very high class whore” who got to attend lots of swanky events for free.

In other words, it was infinitely glamorous. Sanctimonious baloney does not wash with me and neither does the warped psyche of someone who seems to have totally internalised the perverse rhetoric of our gloriously gay commercial scene.

I believe in sincerity, decency and trust. I also believe in frankness. I remember years ago Aiden Shaw writing about his life as a prostitute in his book Brutal. He said that he had a problem with the word escort. He felt it conjured up a rather twee picture of people holding hands at champagne fuelled parties. He preferred the word prostitute because it did what it said on the tin. It did not hide behind pretence and said “do you have a problem with that?”

It’s not unlike the disparities between the words “porn actor” (how much acting is actually required to pull off even the most extravagant orgasm as you have a thick cock or fist shuved up your arse?) and “porn model.” And as I said to the person I had been getting to know: no, I do not have a problem with that. My problem is with the facades that a certain part of the gay world demands we adopt as truth. The saddest thing is that too many people are not questioning them.

Needless to say that this unnamed individual is off my Christmas list now. It is a shame as I would have liked to give him a copy of Greek Pete. It is probably for the best, however – it is not always easy to look in the mirror and, I dare say, I am sure he can find a copy for free elsewhere. But still, I wish him well.